The Other Road
by KaguraShinra
Summary: Sirius is completely enamored with James, but James seems to only want to have fun with Sirius’ emotions. Struggling with this, Sirius initially fails to realize that there is somebody else at Hogwarts who cares for him more than James ever will.


The Other Road

Kagura Kyo Shinra

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Warning: This is a shounen-ai story. There's not really much going on, but it has guys liking guys, so don't read it, if you don't like that.

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Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The orange glow from above the forbidden forest indicated that the sun was setting, and the full moon would soon be the only light illuminating Hogwarts. That knowledge loomed over Hogwarts like a bad memory, but Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had temporarily removed that information from their minds.

"There still is a chance. I've never actually said it," Sirius said quietly.

He and Remus had been fighting for almost a hour.

"He knows, Padfoot, and nothing will ever happen," Remus said firmly. "It's hard to watch you throw yourself everyday, and always end up nowhere."

Sirius stared darkly at him. Remus always had a way of getting to the point, no matter how serrated the blade, and it always lacerated.

"Has he told you this?" Sirius asked defensively.

"No, but anybody can see it, and what makes it worse is that he goads you into it."

"Don't try to lecture me about things you don't know a damn thing about!" Sirius yelled. "Just mind your own business!"

Remus did not know, he could know how things were between them. Sirius could not just give up on something that was so close. With out that hope, nothing could survive in the darkness slowly absorbing his world.

"I'll mind my business, Padfoot, but only when you've stopped being stupid! Only when you've stopped being completely blind!" Remus shouted, the anger tasting bitter in his usually sweet mouth. "I'm tired of waiting for you, Padfoot, and when I'm gone, there won't be anybody," he added, his voice dying into a whisper.

He looked at Sirius with a hopeless sympathy and left. Sirius could only watch after him, completely stunned by his own ignorance. The door opened again, but it was James that came in.

"I saw Moony in the hallway; he said he didn't want us to come with him tonight, that he needed to be alone. What happened?"

James leaned against the doorframe with heavy eyes and watched Sirius lazily.

"He's wrong," Sirius said. "That's what the problem is. He just doesn't realize that eventually it's going to happen."

He looked deep into James' face, taking careful note of the soft features of his delicate body. James had a way of just existing that pulled Sirius to him, and that gravitation was something Sirius could never shake.

"Padfoot, I--" James began carefully.

"I have to be alone. I'm going for a walk," Sirius said, cutting him off and left before James could respond.

The scarlet flames flickering in the Gryffindor fireplace caused the whole common room to twinkle with a imaginary reality. In the chair beside the fireplace, Sirius slept with a look of dying hope etched onto his face. The silver light from outside made his skin look pale and gave his hair a blue gleam.

From the stairway to the boys' rooms, a shadow crept toward the delicate young man. Upon reaching his friend, James brushed a hand through Sirius' hair and lightly caressed the warm cheek. Sirius' eyes fluttered open, startling James, but not enough for his friend to notice.

"What time is it?" Sirius asked groggily.

"It's nearly 2am," James whispered and drew his hand away.

"I wish I wouldn't have made Moony so upset," Sirius sighed. "I hate that he's all alone out there. It always worries me on these nights."

James knelt onto the floor beside Sirius' chair.

"You worry too much about us, dear Padfoot."

Sirius took James' hand and pressed it against his lips. Somehow, being so close to his friend, being so close that he could smell James' fragrant skin and hear his tender heart, it felt so real against him.

"I hope he's okay."

Sirius pulled on James arm, guiding him until he was standing before the chair. In the pale light, James stood regally before his friend. Something about the surreal beauty of his friend always reminded Sirius of the simple pleasures that could exist in life.

Sirius wet his lips and carefully tried to pull James onto his lap, but James stood solid.

"My friend," he whispered, pulling his hand away and moving to the window.

Sirius started to watch him, but closed his eyes instead. In the silence, he could hear James' steady breathing. It wrapped him in an alluring blanket of security, and he knew that as long as that breath was there, nothing could disrupt the fragile perfection of his young life.

"You won't believe it," James said with a somewhat nervous laugh. "Evans finally agreed to go out with me this Saturday, to Hogsmead."

Sirius opened his eyes and held his breath. If he held it long enough, perhaps time itself would stop, before things had a chance to change, before things had a chance to fall apart.

"Well that's fantastic. You've tried so hard," Sirius said, releasing his breath and struggling to sound happy.

"I guess we'll have to find you somebody, next."

Sirius stood up and advanced upon his friend. He leaned against James' body with his chin resting on James' shoulder. The warm breath against his ear made James tremble, and he pressed his body against Sirius' for a brief moment.

"I don't want anybody," Sirius whispered.

James laughed. "You know, one day, leave this school and start our grown up lives. You really should start getting ready for that."

"Let's not."

"Not what?"

"Let's not leave here, Prongs," Sirius said airily. "I want to be here forever, if I can. I don't want to grow up. I don't want things to change. I just want to stay here, where things still have a chance."

James turned around so he could face his friend. He pushed Sirius back a step, but took his hand between his own.

"Things don't have a chance, they never did," he said clearly.

Sirius looked out the window at the forbidden forest. The dark bleakness penetrated into him, absorbing all light. From the outside, nothing seemed to exist in that forest, it was as though everything, all life, ended at its edges. When he looked back at James, he was surprised to see tears in his good friend's eyes and wiped them away with a single stroke of his hand.

"Sometimes," James said with a sullen laugh. "I hate that stupid silly smile you have. And sometimes, I hate that barking laugh of yours. And sometimes," he inhaled sharply. "I hate the fact that you had to go and become my best friend."

Sirius leaned forward until his head rested against James. A fresh tear had fallen and hung on the tip of James' lip. Sirius rubbed it way with his thumb and looked at his friend thoughtfully, as though James was speaking for the first time, or better yet, as though Sirius was hearing him for the first time.

"I bet that dumb wolf's perfectly fine," he said and pushed himself away from James. "I don't know why I worry about him. I should be more worried about him hurting somebody."

Sirius headed for the stairs.

"But soon another full moon will pass, and everything will be okay. Now, we just have to start thinking about how you're going to keep Evans because, you know Prongs, sometimes you can be a bit thickheaded."

"Padfoot!" James yelled as Sirius reached the top of the stairs.

Sirius turned back just as James ran up to meet him.

"Padfoot, I don't know what to say," James said slowly.

"Just say that you'll always be there, no matter what."

"You'll always be one of the lighthouse beacons that guides my ship, Padfoot."

"No Prongs, it's you that I follow."

James leaned in to kiss Sirius' cheekbone, but Sirius turned his head, and their moist lips met in a tingling burst of enchantment. Sirius' lips played against James', trying to coax him into accepting any hidden truths, but with one smooth movement, James pulled away, kissing the tears from Sirius' eyes.

"You're tired, go to bed, and I'll wait for Moony."

"We fought about you," Sirius whispered. "He said I was stupid. He said he was tired of waiting for me. I didn't know he was waiting for me."

"Neither did I, but Moony would be good for you."

"Remus is…"

"Remus is willing," James said, carefully.

Sirius nodded, feeling something inside slipping away, but at the same time, feeling something new being born.

"When Moony gets here, tell him I want to talk," Sirius said.

James nodded and gave Sirius one last hug before he went back downstairs.

"See you tomorrow," James said.

Sirius did not respond. A burning emptiness was growing inside of him, and he knew that it would never be fully refilled. And although he knew this, he also knew that the morning sun would bring a new road. That road might not have been the one he wanted at the start, but now that it lie before him, the end did not look so disappointing. For even the seemingly dead forbidden forest held some of the most resplendent creatures inside it's mystic depths.

Owari

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Sirius Black ga sukidesu yo!


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